Withering Bond

Image Source-Google

About three months ago I was scrolling down WhatsApp, it hit me hard to know it was me who initiated the chats or conversation with friends all along. Am I the only person investing my time in these relationships? I was making an effort as I felt I owned it to them because of the past. None of them were reciprocated. Now I don't want to carry the load of trying to stay in touch every single time. Once decided it was a huge relief.

I'm the one who constantly opines every relationship needs a lot of nurture and care to sustain. It is a two-way street. Life has been super busy for everyone. If somebody is not trying to keep in touch it only means there is no space for you in their life. They are all good people. I have beautiful memories to cherish. But friendships can't be always about reminiscing good old days. They are afar not dead. Once I decided those people just vanished to thin air. I'm sure they will respond if I initiate the talk. Just that I don't have it me anymore.

As you grow old you realize all those friendships were relationships of convenience. You only get to choose from your school, college, neighborhood, colleagues. Most of the time you are not even in sink with them. Sometimes I wonder why I was friends with that particular person in the first place.

I knew that none of them share any common interest. Still I continued. Listening to their rants and raves without being judgmental. I've compartmentalized them into different boxes and catered to their needs. It was the Sagitarian in me being loyal.

And most of them are turned into crazy bigots now. Or wait! They were that from the beginning, just not mature enough to admit. Some say you cannot just unfriend a person just because he/she have a different opinion. If a person differentiates another human being based on cast, religion, creed, class, gender, race, sexuality, I don't want to be friends with such person. It is nonnegotiable. Better to cut off toxic people from life for sanity. They only bring hatred, jealousy, gloom and negativity to the table.

Being a part of blogsphere and artgram I'm introduced to several like-minded people with common interest in books, travel, films, music, social issue, and many more. We may not be great friends to hang out yet. At least I get suggestions on books, films, music, travel and more. It is good to know there are kind-hearted people out there who will not allow the fascism to win. I digress.

Having ranted I'm not bitter about anybody. I always wish and hope for their happiness. I just don't want to tread along the one-way street. 

Friends-Episode 3

Just got off from an abrupt call with N1. Due to online classes and assignments, it is difficult for her to have the cell phone for herself. We could not have a lengthy and proper conversation like we used to have.

Since this is a Friendship Day month I thought of continuing the Friendship series which I had started a year or so ago.

I joined a new school for my fifth standard at Ammamma's place. For the first one week I was in section A only to be transferred to section B. I don't exactly remember how we first met. I should probably ask N1 next time when we talk.

In no time we were best friends. We started going around together. She was my giggling, gossiping, and playing mate at school. We even formed a formidable group against the bullies. Who says children's life is easy? We were into groupism from the tender age of 10. Otherwise it was hard to survive the school politics. I digress.

She was a frequent visitor to my home and I to hers. There were many instances where we have gone to beach without any adult supervision oblivious to the elders. We had our own dance troupe to choreograph to. Since we were inseparable it was easy to find us in the school campus.

For high school she moved to another city. That did not stop our relationship. We continued communicating through letters, and meet whenever she visited her parents. I attended her wedding, and that was the last contact. Both of us got busy in our own life. I've tried making contacts through social medial without any luck. Most women change their name after marriage, so did she. There is no way I could remember her husband's name. Since I knew all her siblings' name I tried that as well. Three years ago I was able to track her brother on FB. I messaged with my number and info. I just cannot assume him to remember his sister's friend of another era. Within two days I got a call from her. The feeling was ecstatic. Both of us were talking, laughing, and pausing simultaneously. Looks like she was trying to search me as well all these years. I was touched when she said 'I was searching with your birthday'. It never occurred to me to try that method. 

She was surprised to know I had a choice marriage. She reminded me of my equal rights activism, which I had forgotten completely. She just assumed my feminism amounting to man hating. The conversation was walking down the memory lane. Many moments which had slipped my mind were brought back by her prodding. And few others that I had to jog her memory to. 

Being a mother to three beautiful children she fails to understand my childfree status, but quick to add that I was different from the rest since the beginning. Now we talk frequently whenever we find time. And try to be in constant touch through WhatsApp. Nothing much has changed between us. We both carry that innocence of childhood in our heart.

Happy Friendship day

Friends-Episode 1

Image Source

After the small success of finding, locating, and rekindling with three friends I'm bustling with energy and enthusiasm. To continue the zeal and spirit I have decided to write few posts about my stint with an important bond called friendship and friends. So, without much ado;

C: A friend in class 1 and only in class 1. I don't remember anything about her, but for her name. That mainly could be because her mother was our class teacher and my mother remembered her well and often mentioned her name in later years. Once my father got transferred we moved to another town and I was too young to understand the concept of letter writing.

S: One year junior to me in class one and my father and her father were friends. After class she used to hang out in my home until her father comes and picks her up. She even accompanied my mother and me to a few all night Yakshagana shows. According to my mother, tyrant of my younger brother (YB) used to beat her up as well. So most of those memories were kept alive by my mother. And during my college days I got to know she joined the same campus for other professional degree. I asked my roommate who was her classmate to ask about me. Irony is she doesn't remember me. I don't blame her. At 5 years of age you can hardly remember anything. 

M: She was my friend in class II and III. She was staying with distant relatives as her parents couldn't afford her education. The arrangements at the relatives' place isn't hunky dory. She had to play the role of domestic help without payment because they were gracious and big-hearted (pun unintended) enough to take care of her food, accommodation, and schooling. She was drowsy and sleepy during most of the classes. All the teachers were aware of her situation, so they never gave her any hard-time. I read Cinderella story in those days and I nicknamed her Cinderella and her foster parents' (couldn't find any equivalent word) evil step-parents. She was happy with the name and that was our little secret. We constantly discussed about running away from home to escape the misery and live happily ever after. No, I never had any trouble at home but for my father making me do tables and copy writing as a way of punishment. We were always together, doing stuff together, playing together, going around together. I was smuggling my comic books to school, so she could read them at lunch hours. I used to go home for lunch as I stayed very close to school. The private school was run by a charitable trust that provided free meals for the school kids. I very much wanted to have those meals, but my father was against the proposal as he believed that meal should go to a deserving kid. The third standard school year ended in April and I'm off to grandmother's place for summer holidays. That last school day was the last time I saw M. My father got transferred again and we were admitted to a new school for the upcoming academic year. I don't to know what happened to her after that. I wish I never called her Cinderella because life isn't a fairy tale. I wish I tried hard to keep in touch with her. I don't think I'll ever be able to locate her as I know only her first name. I don't know her parents or their last name or her foster parent's name.

If it was a movie I would be set on a journey to find these three people, but it isn't and I have my priorities. However, I'm hopeful to meet these friends of mine who were once essential part of my life. They might be very different, we may not have anything in common, they may not even remember me. It's just my innate desire to know they're all happy in their life, doing whatever suits them best.