A Space I left Behind

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Is anyone still blogging?

I found myself wondering that today. It has been a long time since I last visited this space, long enough that I half-expected it to have disappeared quietly, like something outgrown and forgotten. But it’s still here. Waiting, in the same unassuming way it always has.

When I first started this blog, I didn’t have an audience in mind. I wasn’t trying to build anything or reach anyone. I just wanted a small corner of the internet where I could document little slices of my life quietly, anonymously. I’ve always been a private person. The people who truly know what’s going on in my life are very few, and I’ve preferred it that way. This space existed somewhere in between personal, but still distant enough.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped writing.

I could say I got busy, or that life took over, but the truth is probably simpler. I lost the momentum. Maybe I became a little lazy. Maybe I didn’t have the energy, the mojo to sit down and turn thoughts into words. Still, every now and then, I would think about this blog and feel a small, quiet guilt for abandoning it.

Not because anyone was waiting for a new post. I’m not even sure anyone ever reads this. And that was never really the point.

But things feel different now. We’re living in a time of endless scrolling, short videos, quick updates, instant everything. Attention spans feel shorter. Even I catch myself choosing speed over depth. It makes me wonder: does anyone still have the patience to sit down and read something like this?

And if not, does it matter?

Maybe writing was never about being read. Maybe it was just about making sense of things, about slowing down enough to notice what’s happening within and around us. A way to hold on to moments that would otherwise slip by unnoticed.

So now I’m here, asking myself a simple question: should I start writing again? Should I try to be consistent this time? I don’t have a clear answer yet.

But perhaps it doesn’t have to be about consistency. Perhaps it’s enough to return when there’s something to say. To write when it feels necessary, not when it feels required. This space was never meant to be anything more than that. And maybe that’s reason enough to begin again.

Misery

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A terrible thing happened last week. We were on our holidays and friend S1 called with bad news. When I was in high school we were a group of five friends. We were always together in school. Even after school we used to chat on telephones. Those were the days of landlines. I remember my ammamma scolding me for being on phone most evenings. Thankfully, she used to have her own friends visiting her at the same time, so there was no eavesdropping. School was fun because of R, M, S1 and S2.

Fast forward 25 years. We have a WhatsApp group, named fabulous five. It was slightly altered and labelled after Enid Blyton's 'The Famous Five' series by yours truly. Barring early days, the group was silent for the most part. It was active during birthdays, anniversaries, and festivals. Rather than chatting through messages we were comfortable conversing with each other. It was not regular, but we were abreast with what was happening in each other's life. 

M has a grown up daughter. She and I follow each other on Instagram. Though we have not met I felt like I know this girl from the status updates and her mother's narration. That little girl committed suicide. I was in utter shock, so are my friends. More than that we are worried about M. She was the most soft and sensitive girl in our group. We know how this incident is going to turn her life upside down. She had wonderful home, loving husband, financially sound background and two beautiful children. She was this person who counted her blessings every single day. She was an ardent devotee and pious woman. Is it God's way of testing her devotion?

In my mind M is just a girl with school uniform and curly hair in two braids. It pains to think about her soft and giggling voice. It pains to think about her at all. They say sorrow of losing child is eternal. They say time heals everything. In this case I want the second one to be true for my friend's sake.

I feel sad for that little girl who took this extreme step. People ask me why the girl who had everything had to take her own life? Was she suffering from depression? Most probably yes. I could not sense an iota of sadness or cry for help through her social media. She seemed like the usual teenager who did the adolescents stuff. Fortunately or unfortunately she had written a death note citing the reasons for her death. I don't know if that is good enough closure for her parents and kid brother.

Reeling with heavy heart   

So Far

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Everything seemed slow and lethargic, yet time moved so fast. It has been two-and-a-half years into the pandemic. No one knows whether the days of Corona are behind us. Life has been normal from the past year or we pushed it to be normal. The fear is overtaken by the frustration. I've been absent from this space for a long time. Life had been busy with traveling, reading, binge watching, and socializing. And I did not have the mojo to write anything. Every time I tried writing, the blank space stared back at me. Same with all three blogs. I know I've bitten more than I can chew.

I start everything with great enthusiasm and fanfare, but get bored easily. I'm distracted by newer things, onto it with gusto, and lose interest. And there goes the merry-go-round. This is a personality trait I'm not very proud of. Yeah, I'm the proverbial "Jack of all trades, master of none." As I type this I'm thinking of starting a blog in Kannada and my mind is already searching for apt names.

Still enjoying the perks of working from home. I don't think I can ever again go back to regular work. COVID has spoilt us in a way. It is a blessing in disguise for people like me who wants minima to zero human interactions.

We broke the barrier of traveling overseas in April visiting Nepal for our tenth wedding anniversary. Before COVID if you had money and time you could have traveled anywhere. You cannot say the same thing now. Each and every time we plan a trip, we had to weigh and calculate the risks keeping Corona in mind. It is tedious, exhausting. I'm not very fond of airports, airplanes, flying, immigration. I just tolerate them for greater good. When you are bitten by a travel bug, there is absolutely no cure.

Life has been kind so far. I hope to be frequent here. Only time will tell.

The Month That Was April-2021

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Living life in déjà vu. Last wedding anniversary was in lock-down. With international trips out of question we thought we will travel within the country extensively. Again, we had to cancel our trip due to the weekend curfew that eventually turned into a statewide lockdown. Determined not to be bogged down by this we booked a luxurious hotel within the city to get the much needed pamper and break. Most people don't understand why we had to opt for this when we had all the privacy at home. Everyone deserves to splurge a little on grandeur for exotic experiences on their special day.

I was running fever for straight 3 days without cough or runny nose. It is good to mention I had lost sense of smell and it continued for a month. Since the symptoms were negligible I had not opted for COVID test, but this time I knew for sure it was Corona. According to me I had contracted this virus twice, each during respective waves. No one was prepared for the second wave. This time around it hit closer to home. Uncle D had been tested positive. He just had bypass surgery in January. Entire family was on edge. Fortunately despite being a primary contact Ammamma stayed negative and uncle recovered in no time. Because the trains were operating cousin M1 managed to travel to be with the family even in the middle of lockdown. We heard news of many people losing the battle. The cry for oxygen and hospital beds were terrible. And the elected government continued to disappoint. I know I'm fortunate to have food on the table, roof over my head, means to nourish my mind, and my loved ones safe and healthy. That can't be said for millions of countrymen.   

We had been to native for Ugadi. Mother stayed with us for 10 days before the lockdown. Because of this my reading got limited to only 3 books. They are Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe-Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Beach Read-Emily Henry, and Educated-Tara Westover. Among them 'Educated' impressed me so much so that I went ahead and watched Westover's TedTalk, her interviews with Oprha and Degeneres. 

The movies were Ramprasad Ki Tehrvi (Hindi), Jijo (Malayalam), The Great Indian Kitchen(Malayalam), Madam Chief Minister (Hindi), Love (Malayalam), Kilometers and Kilometers (Malayalam), Uyare (Malayalam), Sudani From Nigeria (Malayalam), Halal Love Story(Malayalam), Jati Ratnalu (Telugu), Pagglait (Hindi), Roohi (Hindi), Tuesdays and Fridays (Hindi). The Great Indian Kitchen is one of the best movies of recent times. In fact it should be made a part academics to sensitize the young minds about gender issues.

Our tryst with Crown ended in the first week. Hippie Sabotage's Devil Eyes video unexpectedly made us to see the Peaky Blinders' version. As crazy as it might sound I was instantly hooked to the swag of Shelby family and dragged hubby to the five seasons of crime drama. My current ringtone is also Otnicka's form of Peaky Blinders. If I could have my way I would have given Hubby a peaky cut, but he vehemently refused the offer. His loss anyways! During the course of this we're saddened to hear the demise of Helen McCrory who played Polly in the same.

One of the best experiences was to watch the iconic drama 'Mukhyamantri', played by Mukhyamantri Chandru. It must have been the 750th show. We all know how Chandru got the screen name, but never thought we will be fortunate enough to see him play the original character. Though little weak and old, on stage he has the same charisma way better than the silver screen. And continued our theater fest with new drama, Matte Mukhyamantri by the same troupe and artists.

April has been kind. Hope for the same in May.

Laundress

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A large pile of dried clothes is staring back at me to be folded. Another dirty heap is accumulating in the laundry basket. One more lot is drying in the hanger forever. Have you ever hoped the clothes can get folded itself?

I enjoy sniffing the freshly dried clothes. I use generous dose of fabric conditioner just to satiate my sensory pleasure. I don't believe their claim of keeping clothes soft and wrinkle-free. Setting dirty laundry into the washing machine is the only easier part. You need an immense level of patience to entangle them before putting it out to dry. I sun dry only bed spreads, blankets, duvet, towels, and mats. Rest of them will be hanged inside. I wash them in the evening so they will be bone dried by morning. Since the railings are higher I take hubby's help on this particular chore. And I don't forget to mention "couple who dry clothes together stay together".

My extended family is aghast when I told them I wash clothes only thrice a week. Some were very curious about the specifics. It was a sight to behold when I mentioned we put our undies to the machine. Later I was told none of them would put their appliance to such an impiety. Pardon me for metaphorically washing my dirty laundry here.

As hubby wears formals to office, those shirts' cuff and collar needs to be cleansed separately before machine washing. It hardly takes 5 to 10 minutes, but getting to do that needs a herculean will power. No matter who does the chores. We both feel the same.

And most dried clothes stay in the guest room. Since I've the work station there I get to see them continuously. Do you know how much time consuming it is to fold socks, undies, hankies? Since two of us cohabitate the fabric needs to be arranged separately. Sometimes when guests arrive unexpectedly I just grab all clothes and dump in the cupboard. At that particular time this method was life saving. But you will realize the impact of that hurriedness only much later when you try to find a matching socks.

Because I wear casuals to work (pre-corona era) I don't have to iron them. And hubby's clothes are outsourced for pressing. This is the laundry woes of just two people. Imagine the plight of pre-washing machine generation. While conversing about these things Ammamma never forgets to mention we Millennials have easy way out. If this is the smooth sailing what I'm complaining of? Are we inherently a generation of somnolent or is it just me?

The Month That Was March-2021

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It is exactly a year since Corona wrecked havoc on mankind. Yes, it started way back in December 2019, but we Indians felt its presence only in early March after the 15-days states'curfew followed by unplanned nationwide lockdown. while randomly chating with friends I asked anybody is interested in meet-up. To my utter shock everyone readily agreed. This must be the fastest planned get-together and executed effortlessly. Same goes with meeting one of Hubby's friends and family. This month also marks one in first of hanging out with Y.B and SIL sans nephew A. One notable thing here is none of them tired us with their kids'shenanigans until asked about. Maybe it is a conscious decision on their part considering our childfree status. Or maybe they want to converse something different other than the kids.

Due to the busy social life we could watch only two movies, Act 1978 (Kannada) and The Trail of Chicago (English). And 'The Crown' seasons continued. Exactly a year ago we had to cancel the show 'Pukkate Salahe' due to curfew. Incidentally we started visiting theater for the same drama this month.

The books I've read this month are "A Gentleman in Moscow-Amor Towels, The Beekeeper of Aleppo-Christy Lefteri, Pachinko-Min Jin Lee, Home Before Dark-Riley Sager; and Sparkling Cyanide-Agatha Christie. In the begining of this year I made a conscious choice to pick books set in different parts of the world. There is a famous saying in Kannada 'Desha Nodu Kosha Odu' (Travel the world-read books). Since traveling is restricted I metaphorically transport to these countries to hear about the stories. I've even zeroed down on where to stay when in Moscow. It maybe entirely different establishment now, but since it is functional still why not get a sneak-peak into Count Alexander Rostov's life. My tryst with #christiechallenge2021 continued with 'Sparkling Cyanide'.

 I couldn't give much time to gardening. As much as I love seeing greenery around maintainting plants is a difficult task and it needs constant nourishment, pruning, repotting. The only plants flourishing without doing anything on my part are aloeveras. With little water and more sunlight, they thrive astoundingly. I think I need to learn better time management skills to pursue many unrealistic hobbies of mine.

March has been kind. Hoping for a peaceful April.  

Insignia

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When I visited the bank last week I had to sign a form for some investments. When I took a closer look three signatures looked completely different from one another. Once or twice my credit card and cheques got cancelled because of the mismatch in inking. And believe it or not I've to practice signing in a notebook to get it right every single time.

When I was young I wanted to have a signature like my father. It was stylish, crisp, and cool. While filling the tenth board examination form I was told what I sign on that would be my ultimate signature and after that I can't change. So, I practiced and mastered a insignia that is nothing but cool or trendy. Over the period of time that transformed from uncool to ordinary. Now, I've a sign that is just my name with hopeless curving in the end. Sadly I remember my failed attempts to achieve that perfect sign every single time.

Adding to the agony is when soft wares of banks and others refuse to recognize my dowdy marking. This makes me wonder why can't we go back to thumb impression? It is unique and no two individuals can have the same print. It can't be forged. Why thumbing is associated with illiteracy? Doesn't cellphones these days sell with fingerprint as key security feature?

Enough with the rant now.

The Month That Was February-2021

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Two important men in my life celebrated birthday in February. My father would have been 69 this 14th. I miss hearing his reluctant 'thank you'. No amount of emotions or words can bring him back. we could have traveled only that much together. All I have now is memories of him to cherish on his birthday. Pain of losing a parent never subsides. We just learn to live with it.

And Hubby's birthday was a close-knit affair just the way he liked it. Apparently the boy of mine is growing old and I wish nothing but abundance of happiness to this old soul.

Valentine's day befell on Sunday this year. The conversation about being slave to capitalism and love should be celebrated every days is all invigorating. Why assume we don't. Why pull down people who chose to celebrate this day with their valentine? Our day was all mushy, corny, and fun.

With 'The Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia I broke the self-imposed jinx of not reading horror genre.  Other books are The Night Tiger-Yangsze Choo and The Homegoing-Yaa Gyasi. About Karvalo by K.P.Poornachandra Tejaswi, I could not stop gushing about this gem whoever care to listen. It has been a long time since I picked a book of my mother tongue only to realize what I had been missing. Parker Pyne Investigates by Agatha Christie was second in the Christichallenge2021, which was a collection of few stories. So total number 5 looks good on the chart.

Total number of movies were 10 and they are; Tribhanga (Hindi), The White Tiger (English), The Safehouse (English), Sir (Hindi), The News of the World (English), 2 Guns (English), Drishyam 2 (Malayalam), I Care For You (English), Pitta Kathalu (Telugu) and The Girl On the Train (Hindi).

One of the best series we have watched is Chernobyl (Netflix) about the nuclear disaster. We started re-watching Crown Season 1 (Netflix) because we had forgotten most of it.

Attended two weddings on one weekend, both in different towns of Karnataka. The only thing to look forward to these gatherings is food. This is what COVID isolation had turned me into, absolute non-foodie to moderate glutton.

A two-year old Aglaonema withered slowly and died. It was a gift to Hubby for attending an academic seminar in a law school. The cute little pot had no drainage hole and we just let it stay there. It took a major hit during last year's lock-down without water and nourishment, still stayed alive. I, the queen of procrastination put off transferring it to another pot for a long time. Result, completely rotted root killed the plant. Now I know how difficult it is to maintain the teeny tiny garden. I need to have a better plan to manage the time, so that I can give importance to all the varied interests I pursue.

February had been the month of celebration. March be kind.

Bohemian Raspy

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What is the one thing you want to change in your anatomy or physiology? If this question was asked a decade ago I would answered 'my voice' without batting an eye. I've a vocal with perpetual hoarseness. I may even sound manly over the telephone. However, nobody has addressed me as 'Sir' or 'Mister' yet. I lived blissfully happy life for two decades without realizing how terrible my voice is. To boot I considered myself a good singer with right knowledge of notes. None of the family members or friends dared to contradict this facade. Until Hubby arrived.

He was the first to mention my voice does not compliment my personality. Well, not that I know what my personality is. Still it made me to ponder over the matter. I recorded my voice and played it on loop for several times. And I was heartbroken to know I ain't the proverbial nightingale. The new found observation has not made any difference in my life per se. I was not trained to be a professional singer anyhow.

For the uninitiated I was a choir singer in my secondary school to sing the State song and National anthem every single day for entire three years. Don't ask me how I landed there. Either it must be my overenthusiastic young self that wanted to be everywhere or some naive teacher who delegated the task to me as none of the other students were forthcoming. As it happens I was part of a singing team that went on to perform in Akashavani (Radio), Mangalore. However, I don't remember being it relayed on the station or I would have missed on tuning the channel. So, I was not totally delusional when I said I considered myself a good singer. The whole universe had conspired along with me to believe it.

I squarely put the blame on my father for the terrible voice that I genetically inherit. Yet, he was the one who introduced me to the world of music which is still one of the greatest blessings in my life. Has the dreadful voice stopped me from singling? No Sire. I still sing my heart out to the only audience, dear Hubby. Now he is sweet enough to say I've the most unique voice. Ahem! What I would have done without this wife promoting partner of mine! 

The Month That Was January-2021

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Curfew from evening 6 to morning 6 on New Year Eve in Bengaluru. We never made any plans to head out. The logic behind night time curfew baffles me. some gentle souls say it is the scare of new strain of coronavirus that has emerged in UK. Okay, understandable.  People are roaming the city during the day without social distancing, their masks below the chin. And COVID is not a monster that crawls out only in the night.

We welcomed new year snuggled inside the quill, guzzling beer, gobbling pizzas, watching 'Soul' and of course midnight kiss. I made many number of resolutions wherein hubby did none. I honestly do not understand the man I'm married to. He is the quintessential list maker of the family. His belief is more time you take in planning less time goes for execution. And he is both great planner and executioner. I, on the other is opposite, unrealistic planning and terrible executing. Still everybody need to have new year resolution.

A health scare in the family. Uncle D had been complaining of giddiness and physicians at Manipal did TMT. He was asked to admit to hospital for angiography. As much as we hoped not to find any blockage our worse fear turned out to be true. He was advised to undergo coronary bypass. Guiding other people about a surgery is easy, but when it is your near and dear ones even I was hesitant. After taking second opinion from cardiologist classmate we decided to go ahead with the operation. The first 3 days were very stressful. After visiting him we sighed with relief. He is recovering well and fast. Cousin M1 handled everything on her own. Cousin M2 could only be there for 3 days as she had her finals. Altogether they shared responsibilities meticulously easing stress off aunt P. And I'm one proud elder sister.

I've read two very beautiful books, The Vanishing Half-Brit Bennett and The Invisible Life Of Addie LaRue-V.E.Schawb. As I've decided to take part in #readchristie challenge I picked 'The Hollow' for the month and it was okay. Because of that I'm reconsidering whether I've to continue with this. If I've to continue 12 books will be of her, which will leave me 38 books to pick from the lot. When in doubt stall the decision is the mantra to go. Another book was 'The Switch'-Beth O'Leary, a contemporary romance/chick-lit, it is the genre I try to avoid these days. The reading will be fun, no doubt. As I wanted to move to different genres probably this was not the best pick.

The movies were Soul (English), AK vs AK (Hindi), Double Jeopardy (English), The General's Daughter (English), and Paava Kadhaigal (Tamil).

Among Web Series the best was The Queen's Gambit (English/Netflix). Others are Tandav (Hindi/Prime), Bridgerton (English/Netflix) and The Undoing (English/Hotstar).

The highlight is yet to come. Our short four-day Goan holiday. If having beer for breakfast, lunch and dinner is sin then we've sinned. Beach hopping, lounging on beach chair, soaking up the vitamin sea. I'm sure I had generous dose of vitamin D as well. We swam in the sea (that is untrue because I can't swim, but you get the drift), gazing at sunsets, strolling on the beach late nights, and kissing in the moonlight. None of the city in India has the vibe like Goa. Needless to say we had an amazing time. And in Goa nobody wears masks or follows social distancing. When people were staring at me I was all hoity-toity thinking it was directed at my skimpy clothes only to realize later that I was the only person wearing mask on the entire beach.

 January was good. February be kind

The Year That Was 2020

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I had cribbed about 2020 like all others due to the obvious. The year 2020 was not a bad year for me personally. Yes, our travels took a major hit as well as outing. Due to the lockdown hubby and I get to spend some quality time together. It would not have been possible otherwise. Working from home is a total bliss. I don't think I'l be able to go out and work again. WFH saves a lot of commuting time. Since I'm not a social animal, I don't have problem being cooped up in the home. It gave me ample of time to read, write, binge watch on awesome shows.

I'm neither a foodie nor a cook. I tried to change that a little with doning a culinary hat. Among the experiences few were hit, few a miss. I (we) started an insta page to showcase the food photography. Hubby was nothing but supportive with these fickle shenanigans of mine. When I scroll down the foodstagram page it gives happiness. We cooked together whenever we can. I can safely say now I've not cooked so much in my lifetime in comparison with what I've done this year. There is little merriment in cooking. Here you create something palatable with raw materials, and the end result is satisfying. However, doing it day after day is tedious. I've a huge respect for all the women  who do it tirelessly without a complaint. I've not seen my mother ever saying 'I'm bored. I don't want to cook today". Same goes to many of older generation. I'm blessed to live in a time and city where I can order food at my fingertips. During latter part of the year we started going out to favourite restaurants.  

Another blog and insta page is dedicated to jot down our views on films, books, TV shows, Web Series, plays, theater and art. That is why you will not see film/book/drama/TV shows updates in this blog. Maintaining three blogs is really tough. Sometimes I feel I've bitten off more than I can chew. But that is what I wanted to do at that point in time. And nobody is going to question me about the consistency. The only person I'm answerable to is me. Sometime that person goes on a guilt trip for neglecting the blogspace. Our poetic journey of 2020 was beautiful.

Our tryst with gardening continued. It is the trial and error method we apply. Though not a green thumb yet, I managed not to kill all plants. Some of them withered and died much to my chagrin. This is the year I learnt about vermicompost, coco-peat, propagating, all and sundry. And harvested many batches of Malbar spinatch, fenugreek, mustard, mexican mint, and lemon grass.  

On the travel front we had gone to Mysore for Christmas weekend. It was a baby step to test the water in terms of travel. Other places were Dodda Alada Mara, Manchanabele Dam, and Hesaraghatta Lake.

Seeing the family was minimal to none due to self-imposed quarantine. Same with friends.    

And most important I've been diagnosed with vitamin D deficiency. From a couple of months I was not in my usual mojo. I had to push myself to do even the small chores. Initially I blamed it on lockdown and the pandemic. But when the push came I had to consult a physician and voila. Along with that some hormone imbalance too, for which medication was prescribed.

What a year 2020 was! Hoping for a better 2021

Goldie Locks

Well, this is not about fairy tale Goldielocks and the Three Bears. I was thinking about my gold ornaments stashed away in bank locker and it seemed liked a good title for my rant.

I never liked gold, or diamonds, platinum or silver for that matter. Many elderly women and not-so-elderly women were shocked and aghast to hear this. According to them it is not a normal behaviour for a lady. If you're a woman you got to love gold (other metals). I never believed I'm a normal person. I'm unique, so each and every other human beings. I find display of ornaments ugly and tasteless. I never brought a single carat of gold for myself. Having said that I've quite a collection of gold given by my parents and that is that. During my wedding my parents' worth was directly proportional to the weightage of jewellery I exhibited according to the jerks I call relatives. 

I forbade hubby to buy me anything in yellow metal. He, himself does not believe in the concept of investing in physical gold. Sorry to bubble the burst. Buying gold is a bad investment until and unless you enjoy putting it on display. So, as a couple that part is sorted. Still extended family never gets tired of asking if my husband brought me any gold recently. During most of such conversation I zone out. And sometimes I tell he does not need to, because he has 50 kilos gold (that's me/cheeky I know).

I even wonder at few friends who jumped into this bandwagon. During our friendship we obviously never conversed about this. Otherwise I would be knowing about their craziness. Is it their original interest? Are they giving in for peer pressure? I would not know. Rather I would not want to know. Definition of happiness is different for each.  

What is this obsession we Indian have? Once upon a time it was considered Aapat Dhana (emergency money). If your finance is going in the dumps, either you sell gold or loan it out to get out of that crunch. And it was normal for people to buy gold when there was a bumper crop as our country is agriculture-based.

As for me I would trade gold for good books any day. My prerogative is simple and basic that may look abnormal to others. While their passion for some yellow metal seems irrelevant to me. I will end this rant by agreeing to disagree.

The Month That November 2020

As a tradition we never miss Deepavali to celebrate with family. However, when I heard some known elderly couple being diagnosed and admitted to hospital due to COVID at native it scared the wits out of me to cancel the plan even before it could materialize. Instead we did a day trips to Manchanabele Dam, Dodda Alada Mara, and Hesaraghatta Lake with all corona protocols. The same weekend we visited our favourite pub after 9 months. On both accounts people were not thronging mainly because of the festival. Most of the eateries and restaurants were taking all the mandatory precautions. Still I wonder when the life will be normal where we could roam around freely without masks or constantly worrying about the virus. 

Cousin M1 rented a house and set up each and every thing on her own without any help. I could not be more proud of that little girl who grew up to become this fiercely independent woman.   

The movies we have watched are The Dark Tower (English), The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind (English), Devaki (Kannada), Ye Ma Yau (Malayalam), Ludo (Hindi), Over the Hedge (English), Big Brother (Malayalam), Klauss (English), Holidays in the Wild (English), Operation Christmas Drop (English), Mega Mind (English). Among them Ludo, Klauss and The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind tops the list. Others are okay to bad.

The web series were Body Guard (English/Netflix), Emily In Paris (English/Netflix) and Aashram 2 (Hindi/MX Player). 

The books read were Circe-Madeline Miller, Forty Rules of Love-Elif Shafak, Daddy's Girl-Danielle Steel, Anxious People-Fredrik Backman, Evidence of the Affair-Taylor Jenkins Reid, and Blue Umbrella-Ruskin Bond. Circe inspired me to read Greek mythology and hope to do the same next year maybe. Anxious People by Fredrik Backman is another amazing read. Having liked his 'A Man Called Ove' this is my second book by the author. And I did the most predictible thing, picked his another Beartown. What is with Swedish writers, first it was Stieg Larsson and now Backman. Another new found author is Elif Shafak. Forty Rules of Love is about sufi saint Shams and sufi poet Rumi. Hubby started wondering who is this Shams of Tabriz I'm quoting often in our conversation. If I continued with Shafak Turkey might be our next destination for sure.

When hubby got the opportunity to work-from-home for 15 days we decided to visit the native along with cousin M1. It was good to see mother, Ammamma and others after a gap of months.

November has been good. Hope for the kind December.

Withering Bond

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About three months ago I was scrolling down WhatsApp, it hit me hard to know it was me who initiated the chats or conversation with friends all along. Am I the only person investing my time in these relationships? I was making an effort as I felt I owned it to them because of the past. None of them were reciprocated. Now I don't want to carry the load of trying to stay in touch every single time. Once decided it was a huge relief.

I'm the one who constantly opines every relationship needs a lot of nurture and care to sustain. It is a two-way street. Life has been super busy for everyone. If somebody is not trying to keep in touch it only means there is no space for you in their life. They are all good people. I have beautiful memories to cherish. But friendships can't be always about reminiscing good old days. They are afar not dead. Once I decided those people just vanished to thin air. I'm sure they will respond if I initiate the talk. Just that I don't have it me anymore.

As you grow old you realize all those friendships were relationships of convenience. You only get to choose from your school, college, neighborhood, colleagues. Most of the time you are not even in sink with them. Sometimes I wonder why I was friends with that particular person in the first place.

I knew that none of them share any common interest. Still I continued. Listening to their rants and raves without being judgmental. I've compartmentalized them into different boxes and catered to their needs. It was the Sagitarian in me being loyal.

And most of them are turned into crazy bigots now. Or wait! They were that from the beginning, just not mature enough to admit. Some say you cannot just unfriend a person just because he/she have a different opinion. If a person differentiates another human being based on cast, religion, creed, class, gender, race, sexuality, I don't want to be friends with such person. It is nonnegotiable. Better to cut off toxic people from life for sanity. They only bring hatred, jealousy, gloom and negativity to the table.

Being a part of blogsphere and artgram I'm introduced to several like-minded people with common interest in books, travel, films, music, social issue, and many more. We may not be great friends to hang out yet. At least I get suggestions on books, films, music, travel and more. It is good to know there are kind-hearted people out there who will not allow the fascism to win. I digress.

Having ranted I'm not bitter about anybody. I always wish and hope for their happiness. I just don't want to tread along the one-way street. 

The Month That Was October-2020

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Eight months of COVID passed and Life in Time of Corona continues. Both hubby and I had fallen sick in the beginning of the month for 2 to 3 days with fever and headache. Hubby claims it to be COVID with lack of smell and taste. I on the other hand had none of those symptoms. And sickness was not unbearable. We were able to continue normal routine without much glitch. I have been having these paranoid episodes of COVID every time I sneeze or have post nasal drip. Maybe we will get an antibody test in the coming days to check whether what we had was really Corona.

This month we had our father's Shraddha (death anniversary), a ritual to be performed. Mother, siblings, and I all did it separately due to the obvious. We were brought up in a very progressive household and these customs were not followed. My father would have been very disappointed to see this charade. Still we do it for mom's peace of mind. We know for sure she insists this only because of societal pressure. For her generation "What People Say?' is difficult to overcome. When it comes to dad it was different, he was total badass and never had the patience to give a F***.  

Hubby was away for four days to attend a wedding in Mangaluru. Usually we are two peas in a pod. Since there was restriction on attendees we thought I will give a miss this time so is MIL. The truth is I dislike attending these gatherings, be it weddings, receptions, engagements, religious ceremonies all and sundry. Social distancing is nothing new to the introverts. We have been doing this for decades. I've kept myself busy with work, reading, writing, gardening. Still missed him senselessly. It was like I was having withdrawal symptoms. And we were both anxious on the day he had to travel. I digress.

Dasara was a quiet affair. Since we both don't believe in religious observance festivities for us is good food, music, drink, books, films, and conversation. As I write this I realize we do that every day and for us every day is a celebration. Maybe that is why we don't go gaga over festivals. Only one good thing about them is the holidays. In another era we used to travel in such times. Sigh!!!

The books I have read are four in numbers. I See You-Clare Mackintosh, The Night Circus-Erin Morgenstern, After The End-Clare Makintosh, Pieces of Her-Karin Slaughter. In fact Clare Mackintosh impressed me so much with 'I See You' that I had to pick her another book. She is going to be my another go to writer. A book which liked by all but failed to leave an impact was 'The Night Circus'. The writing was very prose and poetic with beautiful imagination. Yet it lacked gripping story and characters. I had thought of DNFing it many times but persisted. It definitely failed me, or rather I had very high expectation. Another equally disappointing was Karin Slaughter's Pieces of Her. Having immensely liked her 'The Good Daughter, Pretty Girls and Cop Town it was an easy pick. Though not boring it had nothing new to offer. I'm even surprised to learn this is going to be a web series airing in Netflix. I'm going to watch it anyway just to see how it is made. Sometimes visual adaptations are better than the fictions.

The moves are quite good in number too. They are Black Friday (Hindi), Ka Pae Ranasingam (Tamil), V (Telugu), Maniyarayile Ashokan (Malayalam), Serious Men (Hindi), Jallikattu (Malayalam), All President's Men (English), Nishabdham (Telugu), June (Malayalam), Ginny Weds Sunny (Hindi), Nanna Prakara (Kannada), 22 Female Kottayam (Malayalam), Chaman Bahar (Hindi), Android Kunjappan Version 5.25, and Virus (Malayalam).  Our obsession with Malayalam cinema continues. You will understand if you see the number of films of that language.

 The web series are Scam 1992 and Mirzapur 2. I've done a detailed review on mirroringart.blogspot.com of Scam 1992. What a gem of show it was. Pratik Gandhi has a new stalker on insta. Mirzapur 2 was much awaited Indian show and Vikranth Massey's absence was very much palpable. The show was breezy and crisp, and I could see the end coming. The subsequent seasons of any series are tough to make as audience always have the originals to compare with. Comparatively it is meek and slow. Still we binge watched over an weekend. That explains what an oxymoron I'm.

I long to go and see my mother and Ammamma. I hope I will be able to do that in the coming months. Cousin M1 is the only visitor we had. There is a lot of gossip doing the rounds in the family about her not agreeing for marriage yet. It was the same a decade earlier about me. And it shall continue with generations to come. Because that is what they enjoy and that is what their life about. I'm not proud of them. If I could I would have disown them.

October had been kind. Hoping to say the same about November.

To The Man Who Loved and Lived-Part 11

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It has been four years since I've lost my father. Without my knowledge I go to depression around September 22. If anybody can hate a date this will be mine. I talked to my mother and brothers knowing they are hurting equally and going through the same emotions. According to Hindu calendar his Punyatithi (anniversary) falls this month. Due to the force majeure we all had to do it separately this year. I'm not someone who believes in these rituals, but did nonetheless to keep my mother at peace. So, did the siblings. I heard from little birds that someone commenting we don't love our father because we don't celebrate the anniversary in grand scale. I just laughed at the gossip. 

One had to know me, siblings, mother and father to understand what kind of relationship we share. The people who really know us get the family dynamics. Others, not much.

Losing my father left a permanent whole in my heart. None of the happy news will be the same that I cannot share with him. And difficult time will be bit stretching without him in my corner. He was my go-to man. He was the go-getter. Though I've started writing this blog when he was alive, not confident enough to share this with him. Or probably I didn't want my parents to get into my head. Now, even if I want to I could not. He would be proud of his little girl running three blogs meticulously. And maybe secretly admiring himself for passing on that writing gene.

I constantly talk to my father when I'm alone. He would not reply back obviously. For others this charade may sound psychotic, but it gives me a sense of assurance. I still can hear his bashful voice calling my pet names.

I wonder what he would have done in this pandemic. He would not have restricted himself from visiting town for buying the necessities. Isolating himself would not have been an issue since he would be busy farming. But he would have worried himself sick about his children (son-in-law and daughters-in-law) and grandchildren.

My heart aches for him to be part of our ordinary life, the happy, sad, and everyday milestones. I'm still angry at the universe for taking him away so soon. Not a single day passes without thinking about him or talking about him.

Month That Was September-2020

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It is going to be seventh month staying-home-staying-safe this September. For a introvert like me it is a blessing in disguise. I don't miss going to work. In fact, I'll be sad if they ask us to join the work force. Working from home gives me ample time to read, write, cook, tend to plants, and binge on favourite TV Shows and movies. Major hit I took is cancelling all our travels. And our weekend visits to theater, musicals, pubs, restaurants, comedy shows, and others. Though dramas, comedy shows, musicals are offered online somehow it does not feel right. Some art forms should be viewed face-to-face along with the crowd.

Complete stop to outside eating also means more cooking at home. I just know the basics of cooking. I do not enjoy the process. However, this pandemic forced me to don my culinary hat to dish out different cuisine. During the course some items are hit and others miss. What I've realized is cooking is not a big deal. One need little logic and practice while making any dish. I'm still in the learning curve to understand the ingredients and its use. Hubby is of the opinion I do not relish cooking because I'm not a foodie. True, I rarely go out of my comfort cuisine. Probably the pandemic will help to change that.

With self-imposed writing deadline it was a surprise that I could finish four books this month. They are The Dutch House-Ann Patchett, The Girl Who Played with Fire-Steig Larsson, The Book Thief-Markus Zusak, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest-Stieg Larsson. The Book Thief was a DNF from last year. Despite people raving about this I didn't like the book as much. In fact, I've liked the film adaptation much better. The Millennium series on the other hand are the best crime thriller I've read so far. Salander is a character that is both unorthodox in style and attitude. She is a victim and survivor. She is going to be my favourite for a very long time.  

The television shows we watched are Bandish Bandit, Ashram, and Tales from the Loop. The amazing Bandish Bandit restored our intestrest in Indian classical music once again. Both BB and Tales from the Loop deserves a detailed review.

The movies we have watched are C U Soon (Malayalam), Mundina Nildana (Kannada), Desert Flower (English), Hard Kill (English), Dia (Kannada), Kappela (Malayalam), Little Women (English), and Cargo (Hindi).

Cousin M1 is the only visitor to our humble abode. That girl runs away from the word 'CO'. Since hubby was busy judging moot court, mediation, and client counseling we went for plant shopping. 

I had to let go chilly and tomato plants due to no pollination. They flower and wither without bearing fruits. I've read mustard plants attract the bees, however, could not spot one in the balcony. Probably I need to research more about cross and artificial pollination. For now I've to be happy with microgreens and herbs. I've dried and bottled few Mexican mint and lemongrass to be used in morning tea. They give the perfect aroma which is refreshing and immunity booster.

September was peaceful. October be kind. 

What's in a Name

 "That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet.”-William Shakespeare

A colleague recently asked me to suggest names for her kid. If it was three years earlier I would have obliged too. Now neither I've the inclination nor the energy. I don't know what is that aspect people see in me. I've been constantly asked to take up the task to suggest names. It has been more than two decades since I was doling out my opinion. Many of them have picked from the pool and named their children. Whenever I hear about them in conversation it brings a smile on my face.

My father never understood the gravity of the situation. He ridiculed us when we were zeroing down on names for Nephew V. His opinion is what the title of this post makes "What's in a name". With the same attitude he named all his children, some are happy, some are not. EB wanted a simpler name for his child as he goes through the painful process of laborious name my parents bestowed upon him. The name we selected was simple, trendy, and cool. And in this eight years there are 3 people from far relatiion copying the same name. Sheer laziness of people I tell you. The unbelievable part is that those three people are first cousins. Despite all that our little nephew will be the original 'V'.

I'm not very fond of Nephew A's name. Not because it was not suggested by me. It is simple and trendy, but lacks the oomph.

In my college days I've written three novels, which were read by only close friends. And those who did named their children after my protagonists. None of them acknowledges it. My belief is that they want their son/daughter to grow up as strong and independent as my characters. If I can inspire and influence my reader to that extent, I must be a good writer. I take it as a best compliment.

Current trend is to name the child by combining parents' name. Though Raveena Tandon's parents started it 46 years ago, it became a rage after Shahid Kapoor named his daughter. In an attempt to coin this I have seen parents ridiculously naming their children. When I'm told the logic behind the name it was hard not to roll my eyes. No, I'm not insensitive to rubbish their selection on their face. I've a blog here for that, right?

It is my strong belief that expecting parents have already selected a name, one for each gender. Without revealing that they want to fish for more options. Nothing wrong in that. It is just that I don't have the patience to go fishing.

I beg to differ Shakespeare here. Giving a beautiful and meaningful name to a child is important as that becomes his/her personality. Just make sure that one day the grown-up child won't come to you and demands to know why you have given that particular name to him/her.

On the hindsight I'm happy with my given name and thank my mother for the choice. My father would have disappointed me here. And he was the man who uniquely names his Yakshagana characters. Priority of this man! 

Month That Was August-2020

Hubby has joined new work force this month. Though he had resigned in July had to serve one-month notice period. He was not seriously looking for the job change. He was just updating job profile and this new opportunity fell on his lap with better prospect. I was happy because it is closer to home and will cut down the commuting time. Many well-wishers were against this change because of the dwindling job market. But all our decisions are well-thought and so far they have panned out well for us.

For the first time I've not send Rakhees for Rakshabandhana. The shop where I buy cards and Rakhee was always crowded so was the post-office. After few failed trips I've decided to the cancel the plan. While talking to brothers they also opined not to bother this time.

Both nephews celebrated birthday this month, 8 and 2 respectively. When I called nephew V, he was very excited about the cake and other junks associated with it. Staying at home he has put on a little weight I'm told. At the same time he has forgotten Kannada and Hindi letters. In fact he is very happy about not going to school. I was reluctant to attend Nephew A's close-knit birthday celebration. Though I'm isolated Hubby goes to office regularly and chances of his exposure is more. However, YB will not listen to my reasoning. I was scared to go near the kid or hold him. The little fellow now talks incessantly, is able to recognize colours, birds, animals, letters, fruits and vegetables. When I mentioned he is going to be very smart, YB refuted saying all kids are smarter these days. He and his modesty! My dad would be so happy and he will be missed dearly.

The next week YB's apartment was sealed down due to Corona positivity in some neighbors. The same week nephew A started having cold and fever. Paranoid me was quick to think it is COVID. We were all frightened and worried. Fortunately, it turned out to be some other viral fever and he is back to normal. But how long this paranoia will continue?

People think I'm scared more of this virus than necessary. From the beginning it is never about me. Even if I get positive I'll be able to recover in no time. Can I say the same about my loved ones, especially the tiny tots and elders? Well-being of them worries me the most. One of our classmates' father succumbed to COVID this month. Despite all the ridicule, the seriousness of the pandemic looms over us. 

 I have read five books this month. They are A Hundred Little Flames-Preeti Shenoy; The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo-Steig Larsson; Hunting Party-Lucy Foley; Verity-Colleen Hoover; and The Perfect Roommate-Minka Kent, most of them are mystery/thriller genre. I need to cut down on this.

The television shows we watched are Sweet Magnolia-Season 1, Killing Ever-Season 3, and The Blacklist-Season 1. We decided not to binge on Blacklist because the continuity was not necessary for this show.

On movies front we have watched Forensic (Malayalam), Just Mercy (English), Raat Akeli Hai (Hindi), Ghoomketu (Hindi), Yaara (Hindi), Khuda Hafiz (Hindi), Athiran (Malayalam), Doordarshan (Hindi), Ishq (Malayalam), Om Shanthi Oshana (Malayalam). Our obsession with Malayalam cinema continues and we think they are way ahead of other industry in movie making.

For Ganesha Festival we had cousin M1 with us. As usual our experiments in kitchen continued. The jade that was thriving died on us. It was withering for quite sometime. We tried repotting, keeping in sun for sometime, and balanced watering. Nothing seemed to work. It was saddening to see plants die. So much for my bragging on green thumb.

August was good. September be kind 

Friends-Episode 3

Just got off from an abrupt call with N1. Due to online classes and assignments, it is difficult for her to have the cell phone for herself. We could not have a lengthy and proper conversation like we used to have.

Since this is a Friendship Day month I thought of continuing the Friendship series which I had started a year or so ago.

I joined a new school for my fifth standard at Ammamma's place. For the first one week I was in section A only to be transferred to section B. I don't exactly remember how we first met. I should probably ask N1 next time when we talk.

In no time we were best friends. We started going around together. She was my giggling, gossiping, and playing mate at school. We even formed a formidable group against the bullies. Who says children's life is easy? We were into groupism from the tender age of 10. Otherwise it was hard to survive the school politics. I digress.

She was a frequent visitor to my home and I to hers. There were many instances where we have gone to beach without any adult supervision oblivious to the elders. We had our own dance troupe to choreograph to. Since we were inseparable it was easy to find us in the school campus.

For high school she moved to another city. That did not stop our relationship. We continued communicating through letters, and meet whenever she visited her parents. I attended her wedding, and that was the last contact. Both of us got busy in our own life. I've tried making contacts through social medial without any luck. Most women change their name after marriage, so did she. There is no way I could remember her husband's name. Since I knew all her siblings' name I tried that as well. Three years ago I was able to track her brother on FB. I messaged with my number and info. I just cannot assume him to remember his sister's friend of another era. Within two days I got a call from her. The feeling was ecstatic. Both of us were talking, laughing, and pausing simultaneously. Looks like she was trying to search me as well all these years. I was touched when she said 'I was searching with your birthday'. It never occurred to me to try that method. 

She was surprised to know I had a choice marriage. She reminded me of my equal rights activism, which I had forgotten completely. She just assumed my feminism amounting to man hating. The conversation was walking down the memory lane. Many moments which had slipped my mind were brought back by her prodding. And few others that I had to jog her memory to. 

Being a mother to three beautiful children she fails to understand my childfree status, but quick to add that I was different from the rest since the beginning. Now we talk frequently whenever we find time. And try to be in constant touch through WhatsApp. Nothing much has changed between us. We both carry that innocence of childhood in our heart.

Happy Friendship day