Withering Bond

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About three months ago I was scrolling down WhatsApp, it hit me hard to know it was me who initiated the chats or conversation with friends all along. Am I the only person investing my time in these relationships? I was making an effort as I felt I owned it to them because of the past. None of them were reciprocated. Now I don't want to carry the load of trying to stay in touch every single time. Once decided it was a huge relief.

I'm the one who constantly opines every relationship needs a lot of nurture and care to sustain. It is a two-way street. Life has been super busy for everyone. If somebody is not trying to keep in touch it only means there is no space for you in their life. They are all good people. I have beautiful memories to cherish. But friendships can't be always about reminiscing good old days. They are afar not dead. Once I decided those people just vanished to thin air. I'm sure they will respond if I initiate the talk. Just that I don't have it me anymore.

As you grow old you realize all those friendships were relationships of convenience. You only get to choose from your school, college, neighborhood, colleagues. Most of the time you are not even in sink with them. Sometimes I wonder why I was friends with that particular person in the first place.

I knew that none of them share any common interest. Still I continued. Listening to their rants and raves without being judgmental. I've compartmentalized them into different boxes and catered to their needs. It was the Sagitarian in me being loyal.

And most of them are turned into crazy bigots now. Or wait! They were that from the beginning, just not mature enough to admit. Some say you cannot just unfriend a person just because he/she have a different opinion. If a person differentiates another human being based on cast, religion, creed, class, gender, race, sexuality, I don't want to be friends with such person. It is nonnegotiable. Better to cut off toxic people from life for sanity. They only bring hatred, jealousy, gloom and negativity to the table.

Being a part of blogsphere and artgram I'm introduced to several like-minded people with common interest in books, travel, films, music, social issue, and many more. We may not be great friends to hang out yet. At least I get suggestions on books, films, music, travel and more. It is good to know there are kind-hearted people out there who will not allow the fascism to win. I digress.

Having ranted I'm not bitter about anybody. I always wish and hope for their happiness. I just don't want to tread along the one-way street. 

The Month That Was October-2020

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Eight months of COVID passed and Life in Time of Corona continues. Both hubby and I had fallen sick in the beginning of the month for 2 to 3 days with fever and headache. Hubby claims it to be COVID with lack of smell and taste. I on the other hand had none of those symptoms. And sickness was not unbearable. We were able to continue normal routine without much glitch. I have been having these paranoid episodes of COVID every time I sneeze or have post nasal drip. Maybe we will get an antibody test in the coming days to check whether what we had was really Corona.

This month we had our father's Shraddha (death anniversary), a ritual to be performed. Mother, siblings, and I all did it separately due to the obvious. We were brought up in a very progressive household and these customs were not followed. My father would have been very disappointed to see this charade. Still we do it for mom's peace of mind. We know for sure she insists this only because of societal pressure. For her generation "What People Say?' is difficult to overcome. When it comes to dad it was different, he was total badass and never had the patience to give a F***.  

Hubby was away for four days to attend a wedding in Mangaluru. Usually we are two peas in a pod. Since there was restriction on attendees we thought I will give a miss this time so is MIL. The truth is I dislike attending these gatherings, be it weddings, receptions, engagements, religious ceremonies all and sundry. Social distancing is nothing new to the introverts. We have been doing this for decades. I've kept myself busy with work, reading, writing, gardening. Still missed him senselessly. It was like I was having withdrawal symptoms. And we were both anxious on the day he had to travel. I digress.

Dasara was a quiet affair. Since we both don't believe in religious observance festivities for us is good food, music, drink, books, films, and conversation. As I write this I realize we do that every day and for us every day is a celebration. Maybe that is why we don't go gaga over festivals. Only one good thing about them is the holidays. In another era we used to travel in such times. Sigh!!!

The books I have read are four in numbers. I See You-Clare Mackintosh, The Night Circus-Erin Morgenstern, After The End-Clare Makintosh, Pieces of Her-Karin Slaughter. In fact Clare Mackintosh impressed me so much with 'I See You' that I had to pick her another book. She is going to be my another go to writer. A book which liked by all but failed to leave an impact was 'The Night Circus'. The writing was very prose and poetic with beautiful imagination. Yet it lacked gripping story and characters. I had thought of DNFing it many times but persisted. It definitely failed me, or rather I had very high expectation. Another equally disappointing was Karin Slaughter's Pieces of Her. Having immensely liked her 'The Good Daughter, Pretty Girls and Cop Town it was an easy pick. Though not boring it had nothing new to offer. I'm even surprised to learn this is going to be a web series airing in Netflix. I'm going to watch it anyway just to see how it is made. Sometimes visual adaptations are better than the fictions.

The moves are quite good in number too. They are Black Friday (Hindi), Ka Pae Ranasingam (Tamil), V (Telugu), Maniyarayile Ashokan (Malayalam), Serious Men (Hindi), Jallikattu (Malayalam), All President's Men (English), Nishabdham (Telugu), June (Malayalam), Ginny Weds Sunny (Hindi), Nanna Prakara (Kannada), 22 Female Kottayam (Malayalam), Chaman Bahar (Hindi), Android Kunjappan Version 5.25, and Virus (Malayalam).  Our obsession with Malayalam cinema continues. You will understand if you see the number of films of that language.

 The web series are Scam 1992 and Mirzapur 2. I've done a detailed review on mirroringart.blogspot.com of Scam 1992. What a gem of show it was. Pratik Gandhi has a new stalker on insta. Mirzapur 2 was much awaited Indian show and Vikranth Massey's absence was very much palpable. The show was breezy and crisp, and I could see the end coming. The subsequent seasons of any series are tough to make as audience always have the originals to compare with. Comparatively it is meek and slow. Still we binge watched over an weekend. That explains what an oxymoron I'm.

I long to go and see my mother and Ammamma. I hope I will be able to do that in the coming months. Cousin M1 is the only visitor we had. There is a lot of gossip doing the rounds in the family about her not agreeing for marriage yet. It was the same a decade earlier about me. And it shall continue with generations to come. Because that is what they enjoy and that is what their life about. I'm not proud of them. If I could I would have disown them.

October had been kind. Hoping to say the same about November.