To The Man Who Loved and Lived-Part 11

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It has been four years since I've lost my father. Without my knowledge I go to depression around September 22. If anybody can hate a date this will be mine. I talked to my mother and brothers knowing they are hurting equally and going through the same emotions. According to Hindu calendar his Punyatithi (anniversary) falls this month. Due to the force majeure we all had to do it separately this year. I'm not someone who believes in these rituals, but did nonetheless to keep my mother at peace. So, did the siblings. I heard from little birds that someone commenting we don't love our father because we don't celebrate the anniversary in grand scale. I just laughed at the gossip. 

One had to know me, siblings, mother and father to understand what kind of relationship we share. The people who really know us get the family dynamics. Others, not much.

Losing my father left a permanent whole in my heart. None of the happy news will be the same that I cannot share with him. And difficult time will be bit stretching without him in my corner. He was my go-to man. He was the go-getter. Though I've started writing this blog when he was alive, not confident enough to share this with him. Or probably I didn't want my parents to get into my head. Now, even if I want to I could not. He would be proud of his little girl running three blogs meticulously. And maybe secretly admiring himself for passing on that writing gene.

I constantly talk to my father when I'm alone. He would not reply back obviously. For others this charade may sound psychotic, but it gives me a sense of assurance. I still can hear his bashful voice calling my pet names.

I wonder what he would have done in this pandemic. He would not have restricted himself from visiting town for buying the necessities. Isolating himself would not have been an issue since he would be busy farming. But he would have worried himself sick about his children (son-in-law and daughters-in-law) and grandchildren.

My heart aches for him to be part of our ordinary life, the happy, sad, and everyday milestones. I'm still angry at the universe for taking him away so soon. Not a single day passes without thinking about him or talking about him.

Month That Was September-2020

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It is going to be seventh month staying-home-staying-safe this September. For a introvert like me it is a blessing in disguise. I don't miss going to work. In fact, I'll be sad if they ask us to join the work force. Working from home gives me ample time to read, write, cook, tend to plants, and binge on favourite TV Shows and movies. Major hit I took is cancelling all our travels. And our weekend visits to theater, musicals, pubs, restaurants, comedy shows, and others. Though dramas, comedy shows, musicals are offered online somehow it does not feel right. Some art forms should be viewed face-to-face along with the crowd.

Complete stop to outside eating also means more cooking at home. I just know the basics of cooking. I do not enjoy the process. However, this pandemic forced me to don my culinary hat to dish out different cuisine. During the course some items are hit and others miss. What I've realized is cooking is not a big deal. One need little logic and practice while making any dish. I'm still in the learning curve to understand the ingredients and its use. Hubby is of the opinion I do not relish cooking because I'm not a foodie. True, I rarely go out of my comfort cuisine. Probably the pandemic will help to change that.

With self-imposed writing deadline it was a surprise that I could finish four books this month. They are The Dutch House-Ann Patchett, The Girl Who Played with Fire-Steig Larsson, The Book Thief-Markus Zusak, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest-Stieg Larsson. The Book Thief was a DNF from last year. Despite people raving about this I didn't like the book as much. In fact, I've liked the film adaptation much better. The Millennium series on the other hand are the best crime thriller I've read so far. Salander is a character that is both unorthodox in style and attitude. She is a victim and survivor. She is going to be my favourite for a very long time.  

The television shows we watched are Bandish Bandit, Ashram, and Tales from the Loop. The amazing Bandish Bandit restored our intestrest in Indian classical music once again. Both BB and Tales from the Loop deserves a detailed review.

The movies we have watched are C U Soon (Malayalam), Mundina Nildana (Kannada), Desert Flower (English), Hard Kill (English), Dia (Kannada), Kappela (Malayalam), Little Women (English), and Cargo (Hindi).

Cousin M1 is the only visitor to our humble abode. That girl runs away from the word 'CO'. Since hubby was busy judging moot court, mediation, and client counseling we went for plant shopping. 

I had to let go chilly and tomato plants due to no pollination. They flower and wither without bearing fruits. I've read mustard plants attract the bees, however, could not spot one in the balcony. Probably I need to research more about cross and artificial pollination. For now I've to be happy with microgreens and herbs. I've dried and bottled few Mexican mint and lemongrass to be used in morning tea. They give the perfect aroma which is refreshing and immunity booster.

September was peaceful. October be kind. 

What's in a Name

 "That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet.”-William Shakespeare

A colleague recently asked me to suggest names for her kid. If it was three years earlier I would have obliged too. Now neither I've the inclination nor the energy. I don't know what is that aspect people see in me. I've been constantly asked to take up the task to suggest names. It has been more than two decades since I was doling out my opinion. Many of them have picked from the pool and named their children. Whenever I hear about them in conversation it brings a smile on my face.

My father never understood the gravity of the situation. He ridiculed us when we were zeroing down on names for Nephew V. His opinion is what the title of this post makes "What's in a name". With the same attitude he named all his children, some are happy, some are not. EB wanted a simpler name for his child as he goes through the painful process of laborious name my parents bestowed upon him. The name we selected was simple, trendy, and cool. And in this eight years there are 3 people from far relatiion copying the same name. Sheer laziness of people I tell you. The unbelievable part is that those three people are first cousins. Despite all that our little nephew will be the original 'V'.

I'm not very fond of Nephew A's name. Not because it was not suggested by me. It is simple and trendy, but lacks the oomph.

In my college days I've written three novels, which were read by only close friends. And those who did named their children after my protagonists. None of them acknowledges it. My belief is that they want their son/daughter to grow up as strong and independent as my characters. If I can inspire and influence my reader to that extent, I must be a good writer. I take it as a best compliment.

Current trend is to name the child by combining parents' name. Though Raveena Tandon's parents started it 46 years ago, it became a rage after Shahid Kapoor named his daughter. In an attempt to coin this I have seen parents ridiculously naming their children. When I'm told the logic behind the name it was hard not to roll my eyes. No, I'm not insensitive to rubbish their selection on their face. I've a blog here for that, right?

It is my strong belief that expecting parents have already selected a name, one for each gender. Without revealing that they want to fish for more options. Nothing wrong in that. It is just that I don't have the patience to go fishing.

I beg to differ Shakespeare here. Giving a beautiful and meaningful name to a child is important as that becomes his/her personality. Just make sure that one day the grown-up child won't come to you and demands to know why you have given that particular name to him/her.

On the hindsight I'm happy with my given name and thank my mother for the choice. My father would have disappointed me here. And he was the man who uniquely names his Yakshagana characters. Priority of this man! 

Month That Was August-2020

Hubby has joined new work force this month. Though he had resigned in July had to serve one-month notice period. He was not seriously looking for the job change. He was just updating job profile and this new opportunity fell on his lap with better prospect. I was happy because it is closer to home and will cut down the commuting time. Many well-wishers were against this change because of the dwindling job market. But all our decisions are well-thought and so far they have panned out well for us.

For the first time I've not send Rakhees for Rakshabandhana. The shop where I buy cards and Rakhee was always crowded so was the post-office. After few failed trips I've decided to the cancel the plan. While talking to brothers they also opined not to bother this time.

Both nephews celebrated birthday this month, 8 and 2 respectively. When I called nephew V, he was very excited about the cake and other junks associated with it. Staying at home he has put on a little weight I'm told. At the same time he has forgotten Kannada and Hindi letters. In fact he is very happy about not going to school. I was reluctant to attend Nephew A's close-knit birthday celebration. Though I'm isolated Hubby goes to office regularly and chances of his exposure is more. However, YB will not listen to my reasoning. I was scared to go near the kid or hold him. The little fellow now talks incessantly, is able to recognize colours, birds, animals, letters, fruits and vegetables. When I mentioned he is going to be very smart, YB refuted saying all kids are smarter these days. He and his modesty! My dad would be so happy and he will be missed dearly.

The next week YB's apartment was sealed down due to Corona positivity in some neighbors. The same week nephew A started having cold and fever. Paranoid me was quick to think it is COVID. We were all frightened and worried. Fortunately, it turned out to be some other viral fever and he is back to normal. But how long this paranoia will continue?

People think I'm scared more of this virus than necessary. From the beginning it is never about me. Even if I get positive I'll be able to recover in no time. Can I say the same about my loved ones, especially the tiny tots and elders? Well-being of them worries me the most. One of our classmates' father succumbed to COVID this month. Despite all the ridicule, the seriousness of the pandemic looms over us. 

 I have read five books this month. They are A Hundred Little Flames-Preeti Shenoy; The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo-Steig Larsson; Hunting Party-Lucy Foley; Verity-Colleen Hoover; and The Perfect Roommate-Minka Kent, most of them are mystery/thriller genre. I need to cut down on this.

The television shows we watched are Sweet Magnolia-Season 1, Killing Ever-Season 3, and The Blacklist-Season 1. We decided not to binge on Blacklist because the continuity was not necessary for this show.

On movies front we have watched Forensic (Malayalam), Just Mercy (English), Raat Akeli Hai (Hindi), Ghoomketu (Hindi), Yaara (Hindi), Khuda Hafiz (Hindi), Athiran (Malayalam), Doordarshan (Hindi), Ishq (Malayalam), Om Shanthi Oshana (Malayalam). Our obsession with Malayalam cinema continues and we think they are way ahead of other industry in movie making.

For Ganesha Festival we had cousin M1 with us. As usual our experiments in kitchen continued. The jade that was thriving died on us. It was withering for quite sometime. We tried repotting, keeping in sun for sometime, and balanced watering. Nothing seemed to work. It was saddening to see plants die. So much for my bragging on green thumb.

August was good. September be kind 

Friends-Episode 3

Just got off from an abrupt call with N1. Due to online classes and assignments, it is difficult for her to have the cell phone for herself. We could not have a lengthy and proper conversation like we used to have.

Since this is a Friendship Day month I thought of continuing the Friendship series which I had started a year or so ago.

I joined a new school for my fifth standard at Ammamma's place. For the first one week I was in section A only to be transferred to section B. I don't exactly remember how we first met. I should probably ask N1 next time when we talk.

In no time we were best friends. We started going around together. She was my giggling, gossiping, and playing mate at school. We even formed a formidable group against the bullies. Who says children's life is easy? We were into groupism from the tender age of 10. Otherwise it was hard to survive the school politics. I digress.

She was a frequent visitor to my home and I to hers. There were many instances where we have gone to beach without any adult supervision oblivious to the elders. We had our own dance troupe to choreograph to. Since we were inseparable it was easy to find us in the school campus.

For high school she moved to another city. That did not stop our relationship. We continued communicating through letters, and meet whenever she visited her parents. I attended her wedding, and that was the last contact. Both of us got busy in our own life. I've tried making contacts through social medial without any luck. Most women change their name after marriage, so did she. There is no way I could remember her husband's name. Since I knew all her siblings' name I tried that as well. Three years ago I was able to track her brother on FB. I messaged with my number and info. I just cannot assume him to remember his sister's friend of another era. Within two days I got a call from her. The feeling was ecstatic. Both of us were talking, laughing, and pausing simultaneously. Looks like she was trying to search me as well all these years. I was touched when she said 'I was searching with your birthday'. It never occurred to me to try that method. 

She was surprised to know I had a choice marriage. She reminded me of my equal rights activism, which I had forgotten completely. She just assumed my feminism amounting to man hating. The conversation was walking down the memory lane. Many moments which had slipped my mind were brought back by her prodding. And few others that I had to jog her memory to. 

Being a mother to three beautiful children she fails to understand my childfree status, but quick to add that I was different from the rest since the beginning. Now we talk frequently whenever we find time. And try to be in constant touch through WhatsApp. Nothing much has changed between us. We both carry that innocence of childhood in our heart.

Happy Friendship day

The Month That Was July-2020

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July was not any different from June. The Covid-19 situation still continues. Number of cases in the city, state as well as country has increased. The death toll has reached 30,000. For our vast population the mortality seems minuscule. Only loved ones know the pain when there is death in the family. Government, bureaucrats, and people show lack of apathy. I can understand the plight of people who are out there to earn livelihood. What about others who loiter around without any reasons? It is hard to stay put in one place all the time and we have been doing it from the past five months. This is where civic sense and responsibility comes. We may not get infected. Even if we may survive because of youth and stamina. What if we become asymptomatic carriers to pass on the germ to others? Hubby and I make sure to turn down all the invitations from family and friends alike to hang out as most of them have small children or aged parents. Cousin M1 visited and that girl is more paranoid than I ever was. And for the unknown she has been in isolation for the last five months.

Our life continued staying at home, social distancing, wearing masks while going out for essentials, sanitizing, and glaring at people when they come too close to our comfort. My favourite quote for anyone who cares to listen is "Just because you have forgotten pandemic does not mean that pandemic has forgotten you".

The reading journey continued with five books this month. They are Queenie-Candice Carty Williams; Overdue Life of Amy Byler-Kelly Harms; Where the Crawdads Sing-Delia Owens; The Guest List-Lucy Foley; Sex and Vanity-Kevin Kwan. I was hoping to see the screen adaptation of 'Where the Crawdads sing" while reading, and to my delight Reese Witherspoon will be producing the film and it is in pre-production.

We had watched total 17 movies and they are; The Monuments Men (English) Vettah (Malayalam), Anveshanam (Malayalam), Beverly Hills Cops 1 (English), Beverly Hills Cop 2 (English), Beverly Hills Cop 3 (English), Memories (Malayalam), Mamangam (Malayalam), Spencer Confidential (English), Murder Mystery (English), 6 Underground (English), French Biriyani (Kannada), Law (Kannada), Gentleman (Kannada), Blood Shot (English), Shakuntala Devi (Hindi), HIT (Telugu).

We had watched good numbers of TV shows too. They are "Out of Love, Hostages, Bose:Dead or Alive, She, Test Case, TVS Pitcher.

I couldn't spend much time gardening this month. Still the plants are not complaining. I'm rethinking about planting tomatoes and chilies. I knew they are going to take four months to harvest. When all the micro-greens gives me a week to 10 days'supply, waiting for tomatoes and chilies seems longer. And they take lot of space too. We were thinking about creating more vertical space to accommodation few more plants. The search for that one particular stand is on. Our stint in the kitchen continued as well. 

Despite all these I miss traveling terribly. Any future travel seems bleak this year. Our friends constantly ask us how we are coping with the situation as most of them knew our passion for travel. We just say we are bidding our time. We (us, family and friends) consider ourselves fortunate if we could sail hurt through this pandemic. I might sound like an obsessive paranoid, which I'm about the Covid-19. 

July has been kind. How was yours?  

Green Thumbs-Up

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While growing up we always had huge garden and farm land. Blessed to be born into a family of gardeners and farmers, my only interest in them was watering. Sprinkling or gushing water with big hose pipe is total merriment. That could be one of the reasons I still enjoy washing cars. Climbing trees and plucking mangoes, cashew nut fruits, Chikoo, Blackberries, Rose Apples were as easy as it could get. Monitoring the children very closely was not vogue back then. Any kind of mishap will be reported to the parents if it is absolutely necessary (read serious injury). I digress.

I never had any interest in gardening. In fact, I have never given a thought on how vegetables, fruits and flowers grow. I hate to be out in the sun. I used to make a huge fuss when asked to pluck the curry leaves. Despite that I was a frequent visitor during the rice cultivation season, from plowing to tilling to sowing to harvesting. Probably that is why I love rice!!!

My father was a man with green thumb. He nurtured and cared for plants and garden like his own kids. His vegetable patch was feast for the eyes and delicious on the taste buds. I used to gift him few plants and that was end of my responsibility.

As I've mentioned in my earlier posts we are trying to make a tiny balcony into an organic green patch and it was coming out quite okay. Then we got stuck in native during the unplanned lock-down. When we returned all our plants, both indoor and outdoor were dead, but for the Aloe Vera. We could not forgive ourselves for killing them. If it was not for the 'Aloe" we would not even think about going ahead with gardening. The little Aloe had turned into dark from its original green. Without much hope we watered it and within three days the colour returned and the foliage was bright. Not only that we could propagate and re-pot the little pup off the mother. I have named them Xena and Hope respectively. Since then we have been planting micro-greens and harvesting them every other week.

We were able to solve the bug infestation with sprinkling neem oil. We've learnt the art of propagating the plants to a certain extent. We made the colossal blunder of making organic compost at home with limited resource and the stench will haunt us for a very long time. We tried to shift the plants from full sunlight to partial. Sometimes we over-watered the plants and sometimes under-watered them. Weekends were spent in potting, propagating, re-potting, harvesting, and sowing. The herbs were used in tea, salads, chutney, stir fry, and sambar. The Malabar spinach has been my favourite leafy vegetable since time immemorial. Now, I have the privilege of growing, harvesting, and enjoying them in culinary. The supply is not sufficient to fulfill our weekly demand. We still buy vegetables from outside. But the happiness to see the sprout is endless and the little effort is totally worth.

Gardening is no rocket science. There is no right or wrong. We learn it by experience. Plants are the most resilient. They tolerate sun, rain, heat, cold, bugs. Still they thrive to sustain with whatever little they have. We may not be able to give them lot of attention but they bloom and flourish with minimum care. Co-gardening with hubby also lets us to spend more quality time together.

Green thumb is a total myth. Anybody can garden with little patience and effort. One day we are hoping to get the mythical and proverbial 'Green Thumb' tag. Until then happy gardening.