Childfree

Three months into marriage and the common question was 'Any good news? Like an innocent bride I coyly answered, "Yes, we are taking a holiday next month. Now slightly uncomfortable, they asked again 'No, not that. Any gooooooood news?' As if dragging the good part a little bit will fetch them any answer. However, someone interrupted the conversation and both of us are relieved. Me for not faking anymore and she for not getting the expected answer.

We have completed four years of marriage and the question still continues. We don't get irritated anymore. Hubby finds it as an opportunity to torture the inquisitive person with his dry humor and and I find it impossible to keep a straight face. We have agreed upon to tackle these morons one at a time.

Yes, we have decided to be Childfree. Very close family members and friends were told about the decision.  As excepted everyone is aghast. My parents and in-laws think we will come to our senses in no time. My extended family is quite sure that it is the biggest mistake of our life and we are going regret it. Only one aunt is supportive and applauds for our decision. They are of old generation. I'l will give that to them.

One of my friends even went ahead and told, I should not have gotten married in the first place if I had no intention to reproduce. Probably she is totally unaware of the concept 'Marrying for Love'. 

Some said parenthood is the best thing in the world and we are going to miss the best experience. Well, we decided to do the next best thing, living life on our own terms. (Pun intended). Some named us selfish not to be parents. Well, we said if they are so selfless, wouldn't they have opted for adoption instead of having biological children for the betterment of society. I don't understand why they are so upset and stopped talking to us completely.

They said you want to have fun forever shunning the responsibilities. We asked are they acknowledging the fact that parenting is no fun? And they accuse we humiliated them. They said you will suffer in your old age without children's support. We said that is the most horrifying reason to bring kids into the world.

Some say since yours' is a love marriage, only a child can keep you together because of the bond. We said child is not a needle and thread to mend the broken relationship. If anyone thinks so, they are the most stupidest persons to walk on the face of the earth and their kids the most unfortunate ones.

And one sweet gentle soul said kid can fulfill our dreams. We had to be extremely polite and say here. Our dreams are ours and we will try fulfilling them on our own. I told her to let her kid have her own dreams and not to be bogged down by her's. She is still talking to me, so everything is okay I suppose. And many said who will carry forward our lineage? For them we say we are not from Suryavamsha or Chandravamsha (two most popular dynasty in Hindu mythology) and even if so we couldn't care less.

When we never questioned anybody's decision to have kids (one, two, or hundred), what makes them to give suggestions and talk in a patronizing tone? Is it their realization of making a mistake of being parent and sadistic desire for us to suffer like them?

When we were dating, we never talked about kids. Though when I was young, I wanted to adopt a girl baby. Later I realized it is a wish most of the girls in that age have. When married, we thought we will have kid in a few years as it was a societal norms and we are not aliens. But as days passed by and after many deep and lengthy conversation, we realized we don't really have the basic urge to be parents. There are so many things we dream to achieve and so little time, a kid has no place in it.

What nobody told us is what happens if one of us die untimely? Well, we discussed about it too. And bringing up a kid as a insurance policy to fill your emotional need is definitely a no-no.

We know it is not the easy path we have chosen for ourselves. We will be judged, mocked, criticized, maligned at each and every step. But we are not the people to be bogged down to societal or familial pressure.  It is an informed and well thought out decision to opt out of parenthood. And for the people who think poor hubby is forced in to it, let me clear it once and for all "We are a team and we make each and every decision together after a lot of dialogue and thinking". We have a very fulfilling, enriched, dynamic, and happy relationship and we don't need a "child" to complete it. Honestly, I feel parenthood is overrated. It is glorified in films, literature, and television to no end. And I know many had embarked this journey without knowing why they are doing it. And don't get me wrong, "We love kids as long as they can go back home to to their parents'" as someone wisely said.

I'm ending it being at the risk of annoying and offending many parents out there.