To Respect or Not

At a family gathering last month, I was asked by a relative rudely why I was not talking to people? The one thing I'm very proud of myself is answering back double rudely to a rude question. My answer was "I talk when it is necessary." The old man should have kept his mouth shut and left, but no. His next question was "Why do you behave like this?." "Its my nature. Every human being has a basic nature. We call it Prakrathi in ancient texts and will behave according to that" was my answer. I'm told he went ahead and complained to my mother-in-law about my behaviour. My Mil knowing me well just asked me what happened, and pretty upset. Her only concern was how could he talk to her DIL in this manner. Quite sweet, is not it? Hubby was livid too; however, I consoled them both not to worry because I don't take shit from anybody; age, gender, class, creed does not matter.

Another incident or rather repeated incidents in my childhood. My younger self here. When I was staying with my grandmother, one of her elder brothers used to visit her twice daily every day for chit-chat. He was a neighbor too. Whenever he sees me, he makes a point to shout at me for my manners and behaviors. I endured it silently for quite sometime. I waited for my Ammamma to come to my rescue. Whenever I complained about his behavior, her standard answer was "He is an elder, respect him." The only mistake of mine I could understand at that point was scattering books. Back then, I didn't have a study table and a rack to arrange the books neatly. And when a kid does homework, it is obvious the books will be tossed everywhere. I was hurting and started developing inferiority complex. Why complex? Because the same person's attitude was completely different towards my cousin who was much older than me. So, battling with my emotions, one day I decided enough and enough. Next day I was waiting for the old man to show up and wishing for him to make the same mistake. And he did. I shouted back at him vehemently. "This is my house. If you have problem with my behaviour, please do not come to my house". He was totally speechless only for a few minutes and then started again. But this time I was not the one to back down. I screamed and howled at him with choicest expletives and I could see him shocked, humiliated, and leaving the place immediately. Even my Ammamma was flabbergasted by my explosion.

And that is the day I learnt and un-learnt two things. "Stand up for yourself". Don't wait somebody to come to your rescue. The above said great uncle was abusing me verbally and my grandmother never saw it as an abuse. She naively believed her older brother was helping me with how to be disciplined.  I was taught by Ammamma and my parents "Respect Elders". That is the un-learnt lesson on that day. I do not have to respect elders just because they were born few years ahead of me. Even donkeys get old. Respect needs to be earned. I became the rebel I'm for my own survival. And, I'm told the great uncle always hated me until his last breath. All I can say is the feeling is mutual.

There were many other occasions when patronizing elders trying to put me down and each time I shoved their ill meaning advice up their asses. Most of the people say I'm arrogant, snobbish, and do not know how to respect elders. I agree with them to a great extent, saying "I don't know to how to respect elders whose wisdom is the size of pea and ego bigger than dinosaurs."