Domestic Violence

Yesterday I came to know a friend's friend has been a victim of domestic violence for almost two years and I'm seething with anger. In this time and age? This girl I'm talking about was married almost two-and-a-half years back. Marriage was not consummated. She has been suffering physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse. Even her mother-in-law blames this poor girl. I don't know her personally, but I gather she is a 'modern girl with traditional outlook." Pun unintended. The thug of her husband beats her black and blue, she comes and stays with her parents's house. They nurse her back to health and send her to husband's home again to return with battered mind and body. Why? Why? Why?

This girl is worried about honor of both families; one who raised an insensitive, wife-beating offender; another one concerned more about society than their own daughter's well-being. I sound a little harsh and judgmental here, but how could any parent throw their kid as a sacrificial lamb to wolves knowing her misery and woes. What if the abuse turns ugly and kills her accidentally? Can they forgive themselves and outlive their kid without guilt? My advice, though unsolicited is to annul the marriage. Marriage is all about friendship, love, respect, compatibility, equality, passion, contentment, and happiness. When spouse raises a hand, it is time to walk out of that relationship because the abuser will never mend his way, never. My hot-headed suggestion is to start criminal proceedings against him immediately. Abuser will continue this silencing the victim because it is acceptable in our society and we turn a blind eye to it and ask the girl to adjust. Yes, getting separated is never easy. Society will stigmatize and disgrace you, but at least you will have the self-respect and dignity. Staying in these kind of relationships are like dying thousand deaths every day. Getting a job, being financially independent, counseling, genuine support of loved will help a lot to one's self-esteem. It is better to be single and divorced, after all, we all have one life and living to the fullest is what matters, rather than being trapped in a vicious mess called marriage. And "the society" will not come to your help. It is your battle and you have to fight it real hard for survival. 

Why parents can't raise their daughters like daughters and not as somebody's daughter-in-law? Why it is so important for Indian parents that their daughter's to get married and stay married even though it is a nightmare. Why even well-educated women become victims of domestic violence? Agreed ours is a patriarchal society and women are treated like commodities here. Marriage and making babies is not the only destiny for women. Why even we think broken marriage is a failure? When I hear violence against woman or unjust around me, my blood boils. Hubby says there are only 5% people like me who are liberal, progressive, and fiercely independent and the rest are entangled by our glorious culture of patriarchy.

PS: V, I hope you wouldn't mind me taking the liberty of posting this.