My Choice

"My choice"  A vogue empowerment video, directed by Homi Adajania in association with Vogue India as a part of their women's empowerment is getting a lot of criticism. It features Deepika Padukone and 98 other women from different social strata with Deepika being the narrator.

All hell broke loose. The most objectionable line being "My choice to have sex before marriage, to have sex outside of marriage, or not to have sex."

"Sex before marriage" As we all know it is a taboo in India. It is against our culture and values. We honor our daughters and sisters and it is our ultimate duty to protect their chastity. We wouldn't even think twice to kill them. We tell our little girls not to talk to strangers, but tell them to sleep with one after marriage. Yeah, and if a girl can have sex before marriage, then it is okay for us to rape her. She has slept with one, she should be okay with sleeping with everybody else, right? We call those kind of women whore, slut, bitch, harlot, and what not. We want virgin brides. That topic for another post.

"Sex outside of marriage." Lot of people jumped the gun, man-woman alike. How dare a woman talk about sex and in all likelihood outside marriage. We are those people who sit on moral high horse all the time. Woman's sexuality is everybody's business here except the woman concerned. In Indian context woman is submissive, docile who only think of sex as a duty that she must provide to her lawfully wedded husband. Remember "sex is for procreation, not for recreation."

"Not to have sex." A choice? Those women are definitely living in the bubble. Hello! Marital rape is legal in India. The criminal law (Amendment) Act, 2013 states "Sexual intercourse or sexual acts by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape."  Although I wonder legal age for woman to get married is 18 in India, then how this amendment holds good?

Woman can't lust. Woman can't desire. Woman can't enjoy. Woman can't fantasize.

This is what majority of misogynist, sexist, and patriarchal Indians think.

Let me share my two cents here. I find "My choice" a hell of a video. It just makes plain statement that woman has a choice. I am only talking about the most infamous line here. Sex before marriage, Yes. Not to have sex, Yes. Sex outside of marriage, personally no. But again shouldn't it between the couple involved. They say this choice has consequence. Adultery is not a criminal offence, though could have legal and emotional ramifications like divorce and mental trauma. The video did not endorse sex outside of marriage in anyway.

For that slandering Deepika Padukone personally is outrageous. Some morons even declared taking dowry, murdering, acid attacking is their choice. And some men went on mocking they will rape woman because it's their choice. I pity you. You claim to be grown up and doesn't know the difference between consent and choice. Those are called criminal offence you imbecile, dim-witted, idiots.  

Yes, woman has a choice. If that choice is a mistake, so be it. I don't understand why anybody should have problem with it. Woman is not born to serve other gender. What she does with her body, what she wears, what she doesn't wear, when to get married, not to get married, when to have kid, not to have is nobody's business, but 

hers. Yes, woman has a choice and rightfully so.

Here is another video in response to "My choice".

I laughed my ass off.  Seriously?  This is the best you could come up with?

Book Riview: Love Story

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Title: Love Story
Author: Erich Segal
Publisher: Harper and Row (USA); Hodder and Stoughton (UK)
Genre: Romance
Pages: 131
Publication Year: 1970 

Love Story by Erich Segal is considered classic because it happened to inspire many movies and books and it still does.  I heard a lot about this book from time to to, but somehow postponing to read it. That is presumably because it is a tragedy. There I said it. I don't like tragedies. Then what made me to pick this book in the first place? After reading intense and disturbing "Gone Girl", I needed something simpler. It is only 131 pages and if you are a fast reader like me, can finish it off in an hour.  

Story: Oliver Barrett IV, Harvard Jock, WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant), rich boy falls for Jennifer Cavilleri, Radcliffe music major, smart, witty, poor girl of Italian-American origin. Even being from two different worlds their love deepens and they 
decide to get married at the end of college year. Oliver's father disinherits him for marrying Jenny against his wish. They struggle financially as Jenny works as a teacher in a public school to put Oliver through Law School. He lands a plush job in a New York law firm with fat paycheck. It is now the couple thinks of starting family, but the fate has something else in store for them. When Jenny is unable to conceive, they visit a doctor. After running series of tests, he informs Oliver that Jenny has leukemia and her days are numbered. Oliver tries to be normal as instructed by doctor, but Jenny knows. Her treatment starts and Oliver goes to his father for money, which Mr. Barrett III gives, but he doesn't know the reason. Jenny talks with her father one last time and tells him to be strong for Oliver. She says Oliver not to blame himself as it is nobody's mistake. She asks him to hold her tightly one last time before she dies. Oliver Barrett III learns about Jenny's illness and drives off to Hospital, but by the time he reaches, she is gone. He says sorry to which Oliver IV replies "Love means never having to say you're sorry" and breaks down in his arms.

Characters:

Oliver Barrett IV:  Oliver is heir apparent to Barrett opulence and legacy (banking sector) aspires to do law from Harvard. He has a tumultuous relationship with his father for 'being programmed for Barrett tradition." He feels he is constantly compared by his father's personal proficiency. Barrett is a big name in Harvard block because of their generous donations. He has insane approach to be topper in whatever he does and again he attributes it to family heritage. He is often embarrassed by his family's wealth and connection. He is an exceptional hockey player. He falls in love with Jenny who is very much contrast to him in every possible way. He is gallant enough to marry Jenny when his father threatens to disinherit him. He adjusts himself to simpler life or what he calls scrounge. When Jenny is diagnosed with leukemia, he feels guilty; buys tickets to Paris, which Jenny couldn't go. For him to come out of his father's shadow is a task. He is the guy who will go to any extent for his loved ones. He is an emotional guy who loved his wife and wanted normal things in life. 

Jennifer Cavilleri: A witty, smart, spunky small-town girl from Cranston, Rhode Island, studying music major in Radcliffe, bagged a scholarship for higher studies in France. She lost her mother to a motor vehicle accident and raised single-handedly by her father whom she address by his first name. She shares a loving relationship with her father and values a great deal about it. She is catholic by religion, but atheist by belief. She drops off the plan to go to Paris to marry Oliver. She is the one who worked her ass off as a teacher to put him through Law School. She tries hard to reconcile her husband with his estranged father. When she was diagnosed with dreadful disease, she was brave enough to accept it was nobody's fault.

Two more worth mentioning characters are Phil Cavilleri and Oliver Barrett III.

My take: "What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died?  That she was beautiful and brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach. The Beatles. And me."

It starts with narration from Oliver about a girl. So, from the beginning readers will know the love story is doomed. I liked the elemental humor in conversation between Oliver and Jenny. There are not many characters in the book, but it touches a cord. It talks about relationship, family, marriage, pain, lose, and importantly love. In a short span of knowing each other, protagonists go through a lot of struggle, yet they are optimistic about the future until the destiny struck them really hard. There are lot of cuss words used in conversation, but it definitely worked for them. By far Jenny is my personal favourite. She is not some damsel in distress or conventional heroine that we come across often in stories. And the remarkable "Love means never having to say you're sorry." That is perhaps one of the dumbest things I heard. Love means got to say sorry when one is at fault.

It is 45 years old, but still holds good in so many aspect. It is a breezy read, though not a tearjerker for me. I recommend to go ahead and read it because it deserves to be read.

I can think of two movies which were inspired by Love Story. One is Khawhish, staring Mallika Sherawat, yes before the noted "murder". Another one is "Amritadhare" Kannada movie starring Ramya and Dhyan.

My favourite quotes are:

What the hell makes you so smart?" I asked. "I wouldn't go for coffee with you," she answered. "Listen, I wouldn't ask you." "That" she replied is what makes you stupid."

"Please, if one of us cries, let both of us cry. But preferably neither of us."

"He had then warned his daughter not to violate the Eleventh Commandment." "Which is what"? I asked her. "Do 
not bullshit thy father," she said.

Coloured

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"If Rajiv Gandhi would have married a Nigerian instead of a white-skinned woman, would Congress have accepted her" Giriraj Singh, Union minister of state.

Goa chief minister Laximikant Parsekar allegedly advised the agitating nurses that they should not stage hunger strike in the sun because it will make them 'dark' and 'ruin their marital prospects'.

Why politicians or people in responsible position make such comments? Yes, it is an easy way to get publicity in the age of social media and TRP-driven news channels. But aren't most of the Indians are obsessed with fairness. Take any matrimonial add for 
that matter; beautiful, fair, slim girl needed for a well-settled boy. TV commercials are crammed with fairness creams. There are more than dozens of fairness cream in the market being endorsed by Bollywood celebrities. A perception of beauty is equivalent to being fair is sold to us and amazingly we are buying it. In 1978, Unilever launched Fair & Lovely cream, subsequently followed by numerous whitening products like skin bleaches, lotions, shower gel, soaps, and what not. And I read somewhere Indians consumed more skin-whitening cream than anybody else. Of course our population is enormous, but can we be indifferent to the craziness here. In 2005 by Emami launched Fair & Handsome for men. We cannot leave our men behind in this mania. Can we?

Then comes the celluloid. White-skinned actresses like Aishwarya Rai, Katrina Kaif, Kareena Kapoor are called beautiful. I am not saying they are not. At the same time dark-complexioned actresses like Bipasha Basu, Priyanka Chopra, Chitrangada Singh are labelled hot. Unfortunately, all the dusky beauties succumbed to the pressure of skin whitening. It breaks my heart to see Kajol, my one time favourite actress in new avatar. Thousands of girls were looking up to her. She was carrying off her dusky complexion with attitude and ease with expressive eyes and smile to boot. She might be having her reason for undergoing skin melanin surgery.

On a personal note, I am fair by colour. Am I proud of it? I did not do anything to be fair. I am just born this way. People say you don't care about colour because you didn't not have face the chagrin that dark people have to endure in day-to-day life. Maybe or Maybe not. I have seen and heard enough discrimination regarding this even in my family. My mother has a few tales to tell us. When my cousin was born(my mom's niece), baby' paternal grandmother said the baby took her aunt's (my mother)colour despite baby's father being dark himself. Ah...Patriarchy and my views for another post. My mother had to face societal brunt during her growing up years. What made it even worse for her was her siblings who are fairer and believe me the comparison still goes.

A few of my friends who are very beautiful, little dim in colour always had this inferior complex of being dark. They were hoping for fairer child when they were expecting. I have seen my cousins being ridiculed by extended family for their colour. I have seen teachers taunting classmates for their skin. I have seen movies where rude jokes were made on dark-skinned characters. I have seen family members making insensitive comments on a girl when she is being rejected by the prospectus groom. Yes, I have seen it all.

Do you think this madness has anything to do with being ruled by British for more than 300 years. As I know our mythology has characters like Rama, Krishna, Draupadi, goddess Kali and they are very much cherished among us. Why don't we think twice before degrading a person on his/her skin colour. There is more in life than just skin colour. Let us be compassionate and allow people to be comfortable in their skin, no matter dark or white.